five voice notes · one video · a shadow · a white shirt · zero belief
a true story from the hack club slack, in which jacob could not be convinced
part of the saga — read THE THREAD OF CLUB DOOM →
↓ scroll to witness the doubt ↓
in which jacob requires photographic, audio, and video proof that a human is a human
·it started with a question about keyrings. it ended with jacob requiring a full identity verification.
1:55 PM. lynn, answering questions in the start-grant chat, sent a voice note. jacob, a man with a proven history of doubting reality in a 773-reply thread, had a single question:
"umm. who was that?"
wally answered: "lynn. she literally sent it." jacob was unmoved. he had, after all, investigated.
"see the thing is i've investigated you so i know enough to work out that you're currently out with someone that is in the audio clips and that is not your voice 100%."
august 5th · 1:55 PM onwards · the hack club slack🎙️ [ voice note · 0:11 · 1:55 PM ]
Umm who was that?
Lynn. She literally sent it :sob:
See the thing is I've investigated you so I know enough to work out that you're currently out with someone that is in the audio clips and that is not your voice 100%
🎙️ [ voice note · 0:05 · 1:58 PM ]
🎙️ [ voice note · 0:05 · 1:59 PM ]
Brother it is me :sob::sob:
we've got another investigative journalism piece coming about lynn
🎙️ [ voice note · 0:09 · 1:59 PM ]
U-huh
Yea sure
OML :sob:
:yayayayayay: over 1000 messages!
I'm crying :sob:
🎙️ [ voice note · 0:06 · 2:03 PM ]
a video
but i dunno about hc coc
📹 [ video · 2:04 PM ]
"Apologies for the video format"
(the audio notes are transcripts only. the video plays silent — the audio has been removed. obviously.)
the full, real transcripts of the audio evidence. read them out loud. that's the whole feature.
"Apologies, but I'm currently on a walk. I think Ivy still hasn't opened up the club bras. I think it's gonna be opened up pretty soon, probably, after…"
transcript · the one that started it all"Wow, it's me, yeah, I'm Lynn. Woo."
transcript · still not believed"What do you mean it's not my voice? What is that supposed to mean?"
transcript · reasonable question"Sigh. I swear I exist, OK, and I send voice audio sometimes. Bye."
transcript · the sigh heard around the slack"What do I even do in this case to prove that it's me speaking, like, What?"
transcript · the tone that finally got an answertimestamped 2:04 PM. the message read: "apologies for the video format." the audio has been removed. the shadow remains.
> the transcript, timestamped
0:00 "There, I'm walking to HQ right now."
0:03 "This is proof that it is me."
0:04 "In fact, I know you can't see HQ yet, but when I get closer, I'll record me going in."
0:11 "Like there's Andy's lunch."
0:12 "This, there's where that's where I get my lunch sometimes."
0:15 "Yeah."
"we cant see your face so we cant match it up with lynns real pfp" — jacob, finding new objections
"wait a second. the video has 1 person's shadow not 2." — jacob, spotting the fatal flaw
"CUZ THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON" — wally, case and point
in which a single photograph of a person in a white shirt ended the debate
·a screenshot, timestamped 2:11 PM. jacob asked "which ones is lynn then". wally had the answer.
"White shirt sitting on the ground, it's kinda obvious from the pfp ngl :sob:"
— wally, to jacob, gently"I'm the person in the white shirt sitting down :p"
— lynn, confirming, finally"ok. now i feel bad. :heavysob:"
— jacob, realising the 15 minutes he just put everyone throughwith belief achieved, lynn's lawyers downgraded her NDA slightly. briefly.
"I mean I am NDAed so"
— lynn · IMG_2803 · 1:56 PM
"I took this on my first day at new hq :p"
— lynn · 2:24 PM · the moment the thread went quietjacob: "do we get more?" · wally: "We demand a video of HQ" · jacob: "please"
"Hack Club HQ should get a massive banner like this!"
— freddie, distracted from the identity crisis, 1:57 PMafter five (5) voice notes, one (1) silent video of a walk to hq, and one (1) photograph of a person in a white shirt sitting down, jacob was forced to admit, on the record:
"uhh. yea. it's lynn. very sorry."
wally: "finally." · lynn: "ill show hq, just a bit tho" · jacob: "please"
jacob's belief: 0% (from 0% to 100%, one click at a time)
mid-doubt, the thread did something historic. it crossed a thousand messages.
2:00 jacob — :yayayayayay: over 1000 messages!
2:01 wally — I'm crying :sob:
2:01 jacob — Have you all seen thread.navaratne.uk??
2:02 freddie — lynn.navaratne.uk - a horror story
2:29 jacob — fyi lynn.navaratne.uk is in the works
▊
a thousand messages about everything and nothing, and the big one was still about lynn being lynn. this is page two.
in between voice notes, jacob did the one thing wally told him to: proved his skills with a PR.
+ wally: "Prove your skills with PRs"
+ jacob: "ooh. i just submit a pr to github.com/hackclub/clubs-platform"
+ wally: "Well, once everything is revealed, suggestions will start. maybe choose a few and implement them"
- the doubt did not get merged
and so, dear scrolller, we reach the end of the doubt.
all along. every single message. every voice note. every shadow.
the five voice notes were never played on this page. obviously.
the video plays silent. the audio was removed. we have standards.
the shadow was never identified, because it was just lynn.
the white shirt sits on the ground in hq to this day.
the thread passed 1,000 messages, out-messaging hack club's 996 public repos.
the PR was merged (probably). the doubt was not.
jacob now believes, and it only cost him 5 voice notes, 1 video, and 1 white shirt.
keep reading the saga → THE THREAD OF CLUB DOOM